This blog post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links I may receive a commission.
You may have seen those videos where the cat is curling up on a pregnant belly. Then, the baby is born and they curl up on mom's lap with the baby. It's adorable and sweet and 100% the opposite of my experience.
Hi, I'm Andrea. Cat mom of three, cat foster mom, mom to a human child named, Scarlett and another on the way. My husband Rich and I adopted our first cat, Mikita 7 years before having a baby. Four years later we adopted Dahlia and then our foster fail, Ravi.
Throughout my pregnancy Mikita stayed by my side. He learned to reposition himself in my arms as my sleeping styles changed with my growing belly. We setup the nursery and allowed the cats full access to explore the space. We even bought a net to cover the bassinet in our bedroom to continue allowing the cats to sleep in our bed. This particular net covers the Snoo. Consider looking into this or other options to accommodate your particular bassinet. Our cats were here first and we wanted to ensure they were included even as things began to change.
Mikita and I are very close. We snuggle many nights and I knew baby wakings would likely affect this. What I didn't anticipate was the general overall aversion Mikita would have towards me once we brought Scarlett home from the hospital. He stopped sleeping with me, sitting on my lap, he didn't seek out my attention, he seemed... distant. This paired with a baby who needed me was heartbreaking. Instagram friends with similar experiences sent DMs assuring me this was temporary. It got better, little by little.
Things shifted. As Scarlett needed my attention in those early weeks, Rich took on more of the cat care roles. Mikita began sleeping with him more which was actually really nice for their relationship. As I write this, Mikita hopped off the chair he was sleeping on, walked over to me, looked up with those big round eyes and hopped up on my lap. So, yes, we did repair our relationship and he even began allowing Scarlett, now 3 years old, to be near him, giving him pets. The latter part took a long time. More on the relationship between toddler Scarlett and cats in another blog post.
Arriving home with a newborn
The cat's first introduction to our new baby was sniffing her while in the carseat. Another option is to give your cats a blanket or something your newborn wore. We supervised every interaction and quickly realized the cats were pretty good with either keeping their distance or slowly walking up to her for a sniff. The first few weeks were the hardest but, even when it was hard, Mikita still allowed me to give him lots of love. I think he appreciated my efforts. Although he seemed a bit distant, he was always watching. I'd invite him to be near me and within a couple months, he was back to sleeping with me. He did continue sleeping with Rich too and now splits his time more evenly between us.
So, what about the other cats? Dahlia seemed almost unaffected. She didn't love the loud baby noises but didn't seem to associate Scarlett with us the way Mikita did. She loved playing with the baby toys and continued to be her sweet goofy little self. She even began sleeping in bed with us more often than before baby. She enjoyed the night wakings, laying in bed while I fed Scarlett.
Babies have a way of changing, all the time! Before Scarlett was moving around the cats got used to her just chillin there on a blanket. Once she started moving, they were a bit surprised. They started choosing the cat trees or another room more often. Then she started really noticing the cats, grabbing, pulling. We entered the "be gentle" phase. Definitely a topic for another blog post because that was a tough phase! Rather than separating, we focused on teaching Scarlett how to give gentle pets. It was a long road but teaching her how to respect animals is paying off now that she's 3. She knows certain cat behaviors that I didn't learn until I was an adult.
Be prepared for new feelings
The moment you have a baby everything changes. Some people even develop aversions to their pets. Although I think this is normal, it's unfair to our fur babies. We owe it to them to work through our own emotions so we can be there for them. It's a big change for pets too!
Part of this is being prepared to accept new feelings. When I had my first baby I recall reading blogs and other content that spoke to the changes in feelings that others felt towards their pets. They focused largely on how irritated they were, how they didn't enjoy their pet's company anymore. This made me sad and I promised myself it wouldn't happen to me. And then I found myself becoming annoyed. I specifically remember a time when I was feeding my newborn and had to run down the hall to breakup a cat fight. This was at a time when our then foster, Ravi was still fighting with our resident, Mikita. It was a hard moment for me and I hated that it was stressful for all of us. Like everything, I reminded myself that this was a phase.
Everything with a new baby is fleeting. The challenges I faced with my cats and the guilt that our relationships were changing made me want to be more intentional. I'm an adult. I'm a smart person. Any new feelings I had could be dealt with. No amount of change in my life would alter how much I loved my cats. I did, however, need to find my groove in this new space because change is good. It teaches us new ways to be resilient.
Tips to retain a good relationship with your cat
Everyone is adjusting during the early stages of having a newborn baby. Our goal was to ensure our cats felt safe and loved even through the chaos. Here are some of the ways we were intentional.
Individual attention: Especially during the newborn and infant phase we made it a point to give the cats individual attention. This meant using opportunities where we were moving about each room to locate a cat and give them pets. Cat sitting on a bed... neck scratchies, cat sitting on a dresser... kiss on the head, cat hopped up on a counter... give them a treat, toss a toy down the hall. You get the point.
Discuss pet obligations: Early on it was established that I needed to focus on feeding the baby the majority of the time. Rich handled more of the cat meals, morning shoulder rides and brushing.
Invite them in: Without pressure, we invited them into the nursery. We allowed them to explore. Because the baby was in our room in those first few months we decided to make the bassinet safer with a net. This allowed us some peace of mind knowing the bassinet was covered, just in case a cat hopped in. We were able to keep our bedroom door open and allow the cats in our room without restriction. This was huge since they loved sleeping with us. In a way, it brought Dahlia and I closer. She enjoyed getting extra scratchies during those night newborn baby feedings.
Surprise them: Bring out new activities! If you want to browse all the toys we recommend, check them out here. We'd bring out a cat tunnel or some fresh catnip toys to keep it interesting. Dahlia loves jingly balls and wand toys. She loves this feather wand toy too! You can buy replacement feathers, which is nice. We'd sit on the couch with our new baby in the evening while Rich brought out the feather wand. She'd run around the carpet chasing it. Mikita's choice was Sheer Fun. We'd tuck it into he couch, toss down some wiggly worms and he'd hunt and attack! Ravi is a catnip boy and always appreciated some fresh catnip kickers as well as something he could hunt. We love this chirping bird toy for the big hunter in your life!
Having a baby is life changing, but reminding yourself that your furry family members were there first is important. Not to mention, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, pets can help prevent allergies and strengthen babies immune systems. How cool is that!
Remember that chaos will settle, new routines will start to take shape and best case scenario, your pets and baby will integrate seamlessly! But...chances are there will be bumps along the way. The best thing we can all do is be prepared to make adjustments. If you have a partner, keep the conversation open. Let them know when you're overwhelmed and work through responsibilities together. Nothing is set in stone. What feels like an eternity is often fleeting and before you know it, you'll be onto the next phase. You got this! Just don't forget to ask for help when you need it.
Comments